Friday, March 23, 2012

RHOC - Heather throws a painting party

This episode begins in Catalina.  Tamra and Eddie are having this emotional fallout from the boob incident.  She explains that she was upset by his actions with Vicki and he was upset because she put another man's hands on her boob.  Snooze people!  Can this incident be more posed?  Tamra must have forgotten her lines since all she could do is ramble on that she loves him so much.  "Now let's go eat because they're waiting for us."  Weenie. 

On to Heather.  We learn her biggest pet peeve in life is that to have a menu handed to her open.  Seriously, how will you make it through this meal after being treated so harshly?  Apparently she also sends everything back at restaurants.  I won't judge her for that since I have been accused of being a "Sally" from time to time.  Back to Catalina, Tamra and Eddie go join Vicki and Brooks for dinner.  Tamra sits down and immediately starts crying, then goes into this rant that she doesn't want her best friend and her best friend (Vicki and Eddie) touching.  Tamra then starts quizzing Brooks on whether he's a tit man or an ass man by shouting it at him at the table.  He's both.  Good, because Vicki's has both.
Gretchen, Gretchen , Gretchen.  WTF is that outfit?  You look like an idiot.  Let me describe this nightmare for you.  She is wearing a hot pink turtleneck, white booty shorts, tube socks with hot pink stripes, and knee-high fir and silver tennis shoe boots.  Let me not forget the mini bow in her hair.  She looks like a Hooters girl of the Alps meets Holly Madison and it's so ridiculous.  Then Slade drops the bomb, he has a possibility to do a stint as a stand-up comic.  Now Slade, we all like to laugh at you, but it is never because what you say is funny.  We are laughing at you, not with you.

Tamra and Eddie are talking about the incident AGAIN.  Please beat the crap out of that dead horse a little longer. Eddie feels last night had a lot to do with alcohol.  Thank you, Intellectual Genius.  This big fight with Eddie shocked Tamra's soul.  Why are we continuing to discuss this?  I want to move on to anything else, even if it's Alexis.  Thank God, it's Heather.  She is calling all the girls because she is having a painting party.  I love that not one single other housewife has ever heard of the Corks and Canvas concept.  In New Orleans, there is one just about every three blocks between the Walgreens and CVS.  Do you really live in such a bubble.  I totally enjoy that Alexis is the most confused by the concept.  Shocking!  OK, no, not really.  We immediately transition to Tamra and Gretchen shopping at the sex toy shop.  Disappointing segment all around.

The painting party is getting ready to begin and all the guests arrive.   Heather has prepared a no carb menu, smart girl.  Gretchen and Alexis are riding together in the limo to the party.  Alexis is replaying the events from Vicki's party, mainly just Peggy trying to talk to her after the party.  I enjoy watching Alexis blame everyone else for not knowing Peggy had a previous relationship with her husband, except for her stupid husband!  SHUT UP!! Is there no one else in Orange County you can put on this show?  If she ever engaged in actual thought I think her implants might explode.  Gretchen starts to tell about her adventures with Tamra.  Alexis is cautious about their new found friendship.  Get in line, Honey...

They are having a few snacks before the painting begins.  No one really eats, they just nibble a little bit.  Heather says the she and 5 of her friends are planning to open a new restaurant in Orange County since there are no really good restaurants there, you always have to go to LA (having been to California before, I'll assume she means Louisiana).  Completely envious, Alexis, wait...isn't that a deadly sin High Priestess of BS?  I digress...Alexis defends her current city with "there are lots of good places to eat in Orange County".  I was only shocked she didn't follow that up with "like the Olive Garden".  Please Lex, we know you haven't eaten since your last pregnancy.  Gretchen and Alexis start discussing their finds at the sex shop.  Vicki seems a bot astonished to hear that they went.  They start discussing the blowjob helper and Heather responds with a "Honey, I'm married, we don't have to do those things".  Just then, she becomes my ultimate hero.  Ever Envious Alexis responds with a "let's talk to you in 10 years and see if you're still married".  Oh Geisha... I wish someone would hit you.  You are not clever and you spend more time in therapy than you do the bathroom.  Let us not throw stones in that glass house of yours.  Heather clarifies with "I just think what goes on in married people's bedrooms is not that interesting and doesn't need to go outside".  SCHOOLED!  Besides Alexis, I know a few other people that you maybe listen to that conversation because I don't want to hear about it either.  Single person sex is a whole other ball game.  That, we want to hear about.

We finally get to meet Timree, the painting instructor, and Vicki begins by insulting her name.  "Who gives their children a name like Timree?"  Um, stupid people , Vicki, but drop it and pull yourself together.  You're being rude.  Next Vicki is offended because Tamra told Gretchen her hair looked pretty.  Really?  After you just verbally assaulted poor Timree

The episode ends at Gretchen's house.  There is a scandal at hand.  She has discovered Brooks owed child support to his ex-wife.  Slade is totally out done.  How dare she?  Her boyfriend was "arrested" for not playing child support.  Uh...Hi Pot, this is kettle?  He's furious that she is so two-faced.  He feels that she acts like she has a big company when she only has 3 employees.  I hate to point out the obvious, but, Slade, she has a hell of a lot more money than you.  Hell, I think we have a hell of a lot more money than you and that scares me.  I can see they are setting the stage for a big showdown with Vicki.  Good thing the next episode is waiting in my DVR!

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