RHOC - Dealing with lingering drama

We're back in the OC so let's start the season with Gretchen.  She's still dating Slade. (Why, I have no idea). She is going to lunch with Tamra.  Please tell me there will be a stabbing.  They are going to bury the hatchet.  (No, please)  Gretchen is above the petty fighting.  We'll see.  Slade's feelings are hurt because he feels like it's a betrayal to him.  Boo Hoo, shut it and get a real job.  I'm just so glad that Gretchen was able to locate the hooker lashes in time for her lunch date.  Maybe she can fly there using those.  And what's the crap all over the floor in your bathroom?  Are you staying at my house?  The difference is that if cameras were in my bathroom, there wouldn't be stuff on the floor (for the first time ever).

On to Vicki, she's selling her house (if only I was in the OC market).  Donn is staying in the house during the divorce because they need the money until they sell the house.  We find out she is dating someone, Brooks, who has obviously never seen this show.  He lives in Tupelo, Mississippi, which explains so much.  Tamra is off to lunch with Gretchen.  They are going to make nice.  I'm not sure I approve.  Then there's a classic Tamra line, "there's a reason why dogs sniff each other's asses before they become friends".  This is exactly why she would be my best friend on this show.  They are trying to analyze their behavior toward each other.  This is my Housewives pet peeve.  When you keep bringing it up the past, you're never going to get over it.  Just move on.  Sometimes the other person does not need to understand your piece.  Be OK with that and don't subject me to the discussion.  I like you and I like you too.  Ugh...we got it.  Y'all are awesome.  Bartender, another round!  Tamra apologized, which is something they both should have done.  Since Gretchen thinks she's better than everyone else, I doubt we'll see an apology out of her. Then she gives her a present.  I'm not sure I'm OK with this and where this is headed.  We'll just have to see how I feel at the end of the season.

Alexis...we're 2 seconds in and I'm sick of her.  It's 6:28 AM and sshhh, everyone is sleeping, but she is in full hair and make-up.  Her assistant, who is no older than 14, is at the house for her assignments.  How much does that suck?  I don't need any job bad enough to go to Alexis' house before 6:30 in the morning.  My favorite part of all this is that they are whispering as I'm sure no one heard the entire camera crew arrive.  She tells us Alexis Couture is doing fabulous.  Really?  I know not one soul who owns anything but sure, it's fabulous.  Maybe you and Sheree have the same clientele of invisible people.  We learn she also has another job as a Friday morning news beauty tips expert.  Seriously?  Was there no one else?  She is totally overwhelmed filling 3 sippy cups and leaving out 3 cereal bars, yet someone hired her?  She's in the car heading to San Diego for the show and realizes she forgot to set the alarm for Jim, because Lord knows, he is incapable of setting it himself.  We see her repeatedly call his cell phone to wake him up until the assistant suggest she calls the house phone.  There are no words.  How do you have not one, but 2 jobs and you need someone to tell you this?  I am exhaling loudly, Adrienne Maloof style.  Then she DOES NOT KNOW HER CURRENT HOME PHONE NUMBER!  Sweet Mother of God, I can't take it.  The editors couldn't either because we cut back to Vicki.

 

Tamra's going to visit Vicki at the office with some lunch.  They are discussing the fact that Donn lives at home.  In the confessional Tamra says, "OK, Donn still living in the house is some serious Jerry Springer s**t.  She's got a boyfriend, they pass each other in the hallway, get out".  Tamra Barney, how do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.  Seriously, she is my bestie and has no idea.  What we really need is for her to do a cameo on RH Beverly Hills.  That would shake up Game Night.  We get into the nitty gritty of their divorces.  Tamra's divorce is still not final because Simon won't finish and sign.  Vicki's should be final soon but Don is seeking spousal support.  Dude....grow a set.  How much money do you make?  I get that she makes more but come on, I'm embarrassed for you.  Vicki is going to have a party soon.  Should she invite Gretchen?  Tamra says yes then quick cut to the confessional, "I feel like I'm cheating on Vicki hanging out with Gretchen, sneaking around, like she's my mistress".  See, we're best friends because that is so something I would say.

There is a new housewife on the block.  We meet Heather.  Two seconds in I know that I want to be Heather.  She is looking at a $4.9 million lot of grass, thinking about buying the lot next to it and building a new house.  After all, her current house only has 3 children's bedrooms and she had four so it's time to build.  Must be nice.  I had a surprise first, second, third and fourth child myself.  None of them came with millions of dollars for me to buy a new house.  My kids share a bedroom because we are ghetto like that.  Back to Alexis and her show.  She is filming a segment today with Dr.  Booty.  She doesn't think he's a real doctor, but he know a lot about derrieres.  Please make it stop.  He is a large, super built guy wearing shorts and a doctor's lab coat.  No, Alexis.  I'm pretty sure he isn't a real doctor either, but looks like he plays one on a few news segments.  There is a woman in a nurse's hat, a red wife beater, and white hot pants.  I'm pretty sure she's not a real nurse either before you get started on that mind bender.  We learn that Alexis has "no journalistic background or training" (no, really?  I'm doubting you even have a GED at this point), but who wouldn't want to have a job like Katie Cure-ick [sic]?  No Alexis, the real question on everyone's mind is, why do YOU have a job like this?  FYI - it's Couric.

We cut back to Tamra and Heather.  Heather isn't sure about buying the lots and we learn she is married to a plastic surgeon.  Funny, that is my fantasy too.  Tamra invites Heather to Vicki's upcoming party where she will meet the other ladies on the show.  Confidential Tamra says, "I think Alexis will probably have the hardest time with Heather.  Heather is everything Alexis wants to be and isn't.  She's elegant, she's classy, she's smart and she has real money".  I tend to agree.  Heather is in and I'm looking forward to the party.  Judging from the episode timing, I don't think we'll get to the party until next week.

Alexis and Gretchen are meeting up before Vicki's party.  It sounds like all the girls are going.  Alexis is nervous about seeing Peggy since it came out that Peggy used to date Jim about 100 years ago.  She's made because Peggy didn't tell her.  Don't you think your husband should have told you?  It's still funny that she thinks Jim is a catch when no one shares this opinion.  They are getting ready to leave when Alexis says Tamra might be there too.  It cuts to the  Gretchen confessional  where she says she thinks Alexis might get jealous to find out that her and Tamra are friends now (yes, highly likely) and the they "are like secret lovers".  What exactly is going on in this new found friendship?  Then we cut to Peggy meeting up with Tamra before the party.  They are discussing Alexis.  I have to say I hope there is a throw down. Peggy compares dealing with Alexis to dealing with a child.  Agreed.  "She is delusional.  I mean, the girl is nuts."  Agreed.  As usual, Tamra calls it like it is.  She thinks it must be difficult for her because Jim never told her that he dated Peggy.  We all know Jim can't be at fault since he is the man of the house and the king, but oh Tamra talks some sweet common sense.  Tamra was a little shocked that Peggy never told her she had dated Jim.  Um Tam, would you admit to that?  I sure as hell wouldn't.  At the end of the segment we learn that Alexis and Jim have "worked through the hurt and anger she was feeling toward him for not telling her" and she thinks Peggy might still be obsessed with him.  Please, just stop speaking.  This part of the show has lasted way too long and I've lost interest.

They all FINALLY leave for the party.  Back at Vicki's house we learn that she is having Cajun food for the party.  As a New Orleans girl, I can't wait for that.  Vicki is hoping for a dram free evening.  Yeah, good luck with that.  The cameras wouldn't be there if there wasn't going to be some/  Everyone arrives and is playing nice.  We can smell some tension in the air between Peggy and Alexis.  As I predicted, there was little party action.  They go into the clips for the upcoming season and it looks very promising.  I have to say, I'm looking forward to the season.  Welcome back OC!