Back to Lisa and the wedding. Ken pops home from work to check to see how things are going. They are working on flowers and prepping the wine bottles with personalized labels. As she is discussing everything going on for the day with Ken, I can't help but notice the two nipples sitting on top of her head. Yes, go ahead. Watch it again before the reunion. You'll see the boobies on the painting behind her head. It's moments like this that I live for, sad but true. Still, I watch in disbelief that she is doing the flowers for her foyer. If I'm paying a million dollars for a wedding, I'm not doing ANYTHING.
The editing geniuses at Bravo have decided to televise Paul's colonoscopy. Really? We couldn't skip that? Then we film him farting? The doctor, with all of his free time, had time to hang out and observe the farting? Keep in mind, I enjoy farting just as much as the next guy, I just find it hard to believe they don't have anything more interesting going on in their lives. Where's Kim?
It's the day of the wedding and the cake is here! All $9,500 of it. That didn't include the pink roses for it. Why can't I sell stuff to these people? The wedding planner is missing. This is unacceptable. How much money is this guy making? I guess that's what you get when you hire a man that can only "she she she darling". I would comment more on the wedding preparations, but I can feel their stress. I'm getting stressed out just watching it.
On to Kyle, let's see what she is wearing to the wedding. She has several beautiful dress to choose from. She tells her husband they are leaving to pick up Adrienne at 6:30 today. Mauricio asks, "Is this black tie? I was thinking about wearing my navy Dolce suit". Are you my husband? This is a stunt he would pull. Maybe it's something all men do. Why do you think about what you are going to wear the day of the big event? Why? Just to piss us off? Besides, one can't typically whip together a black tie outfit in a few hours. Kyle tells him of course he cannot wear a navy blue suit to a black tie function. First Franc, now this. How many Father of The Bride references do we need? Besides, he has like 40 suits hanging in the closet. I'm certain something is black.
Boring Camille needs something to wear to the wedding. She has a rack of gowns. Yes, that's what I said, A RACK OF GOWNS. It looks like the inside of a bridal boutique. We have all underestimated Camille. I know she is on her best behavior this season (please bring Allison Dubois to the wedding. Please, please, please), but she is, by far, the most considerate. She will not be wearing pink to the wedding because she knows that is Lisa's color and she's wearing that. Aw...Camille...you are so sweet! (So really, no Allison?) It's a good decision on Camille's part too. I'm guessing this wedding will be where pink comes to die. I'm certain even the TP will be pink. What is up with this closet? It's the size of my den! Why isn't Kelsey my first husband? You can park a car in there. The big reveal, she is dating someone. A man named Dimitri. I'm guessing he's better looking than Troll, but we'll see.
Here come Franc, 5 hours before the wedding. I swear I would dock his pay or at the very least smash his stupid glasses. He exchanges some words with Lisa, then offers to get her a martini. That's one pricey bar tender. The wedding preparations continue and on to the most important issue of the day. What will Giggy wear? Everyone is getting dressed and I have to say, Pandora is the most collected bride I have ever seen. Giggy is dressed, phew, crisis averted. Let's get on with the show! Pandora comes down the stairs dressed for her big day and my God, she looks absolutely beautiful.
The rest of the gang, Kyle, Camille and Adrienne are hanging out at Adrienne's house before the wedding. Paul has straightened his hair (exhale loudly, oh Paul. I'm having an Adrienne moment, why?) Camille is talking about becoming Jewish. Mauricio wore that damn navy suit (exhale loudly, oh Mauricio). Everyone leaves to go to the wedding. All I can think is where is Kim? Did she go to rehab?
The wedding begins and I must say, this wedding is gorgeous. I don't think I've seen a better one on TV because Lord knows, I don't get invited to weddings like this (sorry friends, mine sucked too). Jason looks like a model posed a the groom. Seriously, if you play Mystery Date, this is the guy you want behind that door. Here comes the bride, and really it's beautiful, but...Pandy
It's 3 weeks later and Glenn is back at Kyle's house. Kim's not coming...SHOCKING. Hopefully, she's in a straight jacket somewhere. Lisa brought photos from the wedding. Everyone is on their best behavior. FYI - this is not why I watch this show. You people had better step it up for the Reunion or go pick up Teresa in New Jersey before you film it.
The usual end of show recaps: Taylor is trying to keep it together after Russell's death. She is facing financial and legals issues, but has time to publish her memoirs. What memoirs? Memoirs of a Weepy Duck- lipped girl? I'm not buying it. Next. Camille is hot and heavy with her new guy. Really? That's all there is to say? Afraid to open your mouth because a skeleton might fall out? Nonetheless, I'm glad she's happy because Kelsey is an ass. Lisa and Ken downsized to a 10,000 square foot home then added 2,000 more. Well, I just hope their old house is still on the market so I have some place to move to next week. Adrienne is celebrating her successful shoe line and getting new neighbors across the street. Yo Adrienne, it's gonna be me so get ready for The Black Family. I can't wait for my daughters to color something in your house with markers. Kim's update is my favorite. She is not pregnant (duh) and she has checked herself into a drug and alcohol rehab program in December. Please tell me she'll be on the next season of Celebrity Rehab. Kyle has written an advice book for women (not buying this one either) and it includes a chapter on "Sisterly Love". I'll just assume it's book for sorority girls because I don't think real sisters act the way you two do. When Paris and Nikki are a better benchmark for behavior you should read a book of self-reflection, not give advice to others.
I have to say, this season started with a bang and ended with a big snooze. The Reunion episodes had better step up the game. I mean really, go sleep with someone's husband if you have to, but you better bring something else to this show before we are forced to Real Housewives of Miami your ass.
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